In process

Its been a while since Ive journaled. Much has been brewing and stirring. I've continued to search out my heart as to what I should do about renewing this contract or moving home. Its so hard to decide. I guess I should say, its hard to let someone down. Yes, my heart is calling me home. I look forward to taking some time off when I come home, to continue to work that was started while I was away. Im excited to take time to travel and see friends and family I havent seen in a while. Im thrilled to have Christmas off from work for once. I cant wait for the new little ehst'ling to arrive in January. There is much to look forward to. And yet, there continues to be a road of work ahead of me. I continue to seek out healing and wholeness in many areas of life. There is this desire in me to not settle for the little bit of growth and revelation that I've found over this past year. The Lord continues to peel back layers in my life, revealing new areas that He wants to get into and bring restoration. There is a tendency in me to want to just 'get there.' I hate the process. I should say that I dont like the time it takes to get there. Its a pattern in my life that Ive struggled with. Ive always wanted the 'easy way' out. Whether that was in practice, in studying, in diets.....but Im sure Im not alone. But not this time. There is too much at stake here. I want to clean house so to speak. While I know there's no arrival point, or destination to acheive (other than heaven of course....), I want to continue on towards the father. Im so thankful that I have the freedom to go as well as take time off. When else would I have the chance to do so?



I continue to lay before the Lord my present and my future. Its interesting how once you start to examine life, everything gets stirred up. Even the job that I have come to love Im questioning. Is there somewhere else that you might have me? There are two things that continue to come to mind: children's homes and coffee shops. What????? Whoever can put those two together or can find a way to persue those things, let me know. If I let myself go, my heart takes me to the school in Tennessee where they were wanting me to come and be a house parent/mentor......and then to this farm/children's home in Africa. But what would that look like? What Id have to give up! Then the creative person within me thinks of opening a coffee shop. Am I crazy? I have not one ounce of business in me, nor does anyone in my family. So I continually submit these things to the Lord, for Him to reveal in His timing.