Saturday, August 2, 2008

expectations

This past week was our family vacation in New Hampshire. Every 2 years, my mom's side of the family has a family reunion somewhere in the US. Its a fun time to get away, experience a new place/state, enjoy catching up with family (who thankfully are all really cool people), and spending time together with our immediate family. I have sweet memories of past reunions, and its hard not to enter into them with expectations. Now, as we've gotten older, our times together are few and far between. These reunions have now become our own reunion of sorts, where we have high hopes to spend quality time with one another, have meaningful interactions, quality family time of games or just sitting down for dinner. But life seems to have 'happened' over the last couple of years. Change has wrecked havoc on us, or should I say, wrecked havoc on me. I always have had a hard time with change. And every time we are together as a family, all the emotions and intense feelings come to the surface. Its hard for me to let go of what was....to let go of expectations. Our time together this past week was nothing close to a vacation. There were intense emotions, short tempered women, events that pulled each of us in different directions, 2 little girls that had their own agendas, poor communication, and more. I found myself so caught up in what wasnt right, and how unsatisfied I was, that I missed many good opportunities. Now, I don't want you to think that my family is a mess and that Im miserable. I love them beyond words. But I needed to learn something this week. Family is messy! Yeah, I knew that, but I needed to be reminded of that. Secondly, expectations need to be left at the door. Change is unavoidable and adjustments are necessary (but they sure do stink sometimes!).

I was reminded yet again of how thankful I am for grace. We all needed it this week thats for sure. Its amazing how ugly the human self can be. I long to be at a place where I live and move and breath like Jesus. Im tired of hurting those I love with my words and actions (or lack there of). I long for something more, something better. Imagine what family will be like in heaven. Thats one family reunion I can't wait for!!!!

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