Weekend at home

Well, its been a good weekend here in Lancaster. After hitting up a church in Maryland Saturday evening, I made it home in the pouring rain to good old Ross St. I had mixed emotions coming home. I was excited to be in a familiar place, with familiar faces, and the feeling of home. But as I walked in to the house, things were different. Things look different, even smelled different. It was as if I was gone for months, and it had only been two weeks. It was good to connect with Dori as those times are few and far between, especially with the upcoming wedding in a few weeks. And as I slept last night, even my sleep was different. I was so disoriented and confused. Maybe it was the storm. But I either thought I was in my top story apartment, or at work in the hospital and needing to call the doc - all of which were not reality. I was able to get back to basics and enjoy a little Sunday morning basketball with Melanie and Dan, which always proves to bring life, and a little soreness:-) Then a little taste of church...which proved to be the biggest blessing of them all. I truly felt at home today. Seeing familiar faces, having warm hugs, and encouragement and prayers meant everything. Worship was amazing and even a time of fellowship and eating afterwards providing nourishment and rest. Thank you God for that! A few special friend appointments in the afternoon and evening and a visit from my dear friend the Gibbel's and its off to bed. As I reflect on this new found home status, I wonder will this ever be home again? What makes something home? Getting ready to have 4 new girls in my home brings about many questions, excitement and fears. Letting someone else enjoy my home brings joy, but also sadness, for this place will never be like it once was. Its as if the chapter of my life is closing and I'm scared to take my foot out of the door. But why? What makes it scary? Simply the fact that I have no idea what is next. I feel this thing in my spirit saying 'get ready Melissa.' Its time to contend for your future and your destiny.' But Lord, what is it????? I know the desires on my heart are for marriage and family, to be rooted in community and relationship, but where? When? I just want to make an eternal difference. I want to love on others, and allow them to find rest and joy and peace. I don't want to be a vagabond forever! As I think about what I'm doing, this travel nursing bit, is no doubt one of the hardest things Ive yet to encounter and meet head on. But wow God, you are giving me the strength to do so! I'm learning so much about myself, about the strength that the Lord raises up when it needs to be. I'm learning more and more how I'm wired, how I'm created, the passions that are stirring within me. Lord I don't want to keep asking whats next. But at the same time, I want to make sure that I am where you desire me to be. Living a life of surrender is by far the hardest yet most amazing things possible. Surrendering those things that I hold so dear to my heart....the passion and desire for marriage, for children, for community, for the fullness of Christ to be made known in my life and the lives of those I love and care about.....Lord, they are yours! Have your way! I know what you have for me is beyond my wildest dreams and imaginations. May I find contentment and peace knowing that you hold those things very close to your heart. I trust you with them. OK, so this surrender thing is easier said than done. So friends, hold me accountable. I want my life to be a beautiful masterpiece and a testimony to the love, the patience, and the faithfulness of Christ. He deserves all the honor and glory for everything Ive come through, and all the blessings he has given. Lord, bring to completion the work that you have started!